Thursday, June 25, 2009

My colon cant survive the fairness doctrine.. damn you Main stream media!!

I am a adherent of talk radio.. the last bastion of truth in troubled times.

One of my biggest fears concerning talk radio, in these times of health care reform (yeah right.. MSM) is not being separated from my beloved talk radio per se,

but being torn away from the life-giving, non-FDA approved herbal products that, thanks to Neo-conservative talk radio, I am able to access at competitive prices to maintain my otherwise robust constitution.

These products that keep me regular, internally cleansed, visually acute, hairy, and turgid, can simply be obtained NO WHERE ELSE but the honest, caring realm of AM talk radio..
(to be fair, even the sick twisted hate-filled dementos at 'Air America' offer the same herbal remedies, likely so as not to allow their population of insipid listeners to deplete while the ranks of conservative talk listeners grow more herbally robust)

When I travel to the local retail outlets and ask for a herbal colon cleanser, and then attempt to earnestly explain that fecal matter is liable to build up like ''SPACKLE'' inside of my dear colon, without this miracle remedy I am usually looked at with a foolish grin, obviously concealing the vapid, uninformed status of the chirlish clerk, who is certainly NOT amongst the blessed ranks of israel-supporting, fellow talk radio listening TRUTH-SEEKERS!! (make that TRUTH-KNOWERS!)

Every second commercial on talk radio, for those who have not yet discovered this marvelous venue for distributing Neoconservatism to the blank-minded masses, is a advertisment for these Miracle products that in earlier times would have been labelled ''snake oil'', but today thanks to science, are now known to contain tremendous value.
I just today ingested 72 different tablets, all purchased from these public-service oriented talk radio commercials, and I must report that my Penis has never been larger.

My colon screams with joy after each daily, $100 a pop ''de-spackling'' with 'evercleanse'.

My NOW thick hair is luxurious, where only days earlier it was dull and lifeless.

My vision is virtually superpowered after Dr. Mark Levins reccomendation of 'Ocular Nutrition'.

My vast array of sexual partners are all NOW satisfied...
thanks to the simple, caring, herbal medical technology of talk radio, I am able to ''last''.. seriously im a little engine that could, if you know what I mean.

Aside from the physical benefits, I have applied to have my credit card debt forgiven, purchased listings of foreclosed properties that I shall purchase at a pittance, and can now work from home making nearly 8000 dollars a month!... all thanks to the wonderkinds of talk radio and their single-minded truth marketing on behalf of us, the chosen, among their ranks.

ALL OF THESE HERBAL PRODUCTS are hidden from us by the Main Stream Media and suspiciously unavailable in any retail outlet!! We have only the truth tellers and honesty brokers of talk radio allowing access to these wonder tablets of erectile vigor!! The next time anyone asks you to support any ''fairness doctrine'', you tell them, that if they want it, they can pry its flacid inches from your cold, lifeless palm!

How could any liberal dupe be so foolish and ignorant to not see the great public service that these talk radio advocates do EVERY DAY for the colon-clogged masses yearning to be free of both liberalism and constipation, (which are admittedly quite similar) ?
If these were all scams and snake oil as the fools amongst us assert, WHY would these great informative defenders of freedom we are blessed to listen to everyday sell these items??..REALLY!! The mentally-blessed, like me, who listen to these shows everyday, obviously BUY these fine products as they have all been advertised for years.. so could we all be IDIOTS!!??
If I manage to save even one colon from catastrophe by this post, I have accomplished my mission. Note to MSM- do NOT EVEN THINK about getting your fairness doctrine between me and my colons salvation!!

sometimes when we touch... the honestys.. too much

So like everyone else in our republican ranks, I was shocked to learn that Gov. Sanford was not dutifully pioneering his way along the appalachian trail as he had reported..
Here is a great republican, who could put his conservativism and constituents aside, valiantly favor only interests of the republican party, country-club elite, trans-national, business cronies.. and attempt to refuse welfare funds for the indigent in his state during the worst economy since the great depression..
Gov. Sanford was truly a crappy human, and a backsliding conservative.. BUT HE WAS A GREAT REPUBLICAN!!.
Some may turn on you now, Sanny, but I wont!!
Like a true neocon republican puppeteer, it is now being reported that Gov. Sanny chose his philly from among the ranks of a transnational corporate lobbyist, so at least he is keeping his treachery within our tightknit family.. irregardless of his own vestigial, blood relations he abandonded like a empty filet-o-fish container..

Now,.. as we all know, the real question is who is there to LEAD the future of our republican party??..
Requirements being,
not too smart or informed,
willing to accept talking points and instructions from transnational corporate lobbyist(s) who want to benefit from free access to US markets from any third world sweat shop, but who, understandably!!, do not want to employ actual americans,
Lastly..not constrained by common decency or compulsion to honor ones word...

Hmmm.. I know everyone is screaming 'Palin!! arrrgghh' and sure she fits the bill well enough.. the bridge she supported until she opposed it, and kept all the money anyway.. whatever.. thats small potato's..

Like many of our ranks, I feel, as does as Fox business network, that the only possible choice who fits all these requirements to a 'T' is Rob Portman..

Now, Rob Portman is being endorsed all over the place by our republican party leaders, and its no wonder..

Rob Portman, the future of the republican party, if our brave transnational corporate lobbyists flush with borrowed chinese lobbying funds get their way, is also the past of our great party..
Portman was the chief lobbyist for NAFTA... the great trade agreement which to date has denuded america of approx. 33% (and counting) of its manufacturing industry and employment.. Interestingly, our consolidated media has yet to mention Rob Portmans central role in NAFTA during any of his supporters sales pitches... but they are probably saving the best for last.

Rob Portman is the best friend that republicans, trans-national lobbyists, and chinese slave labor barons could wish for, and now that Gov. Sanford has departed the contest, and Bobby Jindal is exiled to has-been status, I urge everyone to support Rob Portman as the new empty vessel standard bearer of the Republican Party..

Of course, he will lose in a landslide of Goldwater-ian proportions, should his presidential run ambitions ever be fufilled, once the millions of ''workers'' he put out of work turn out against him, but at least he will lose with the Transnational Fox Business network singing his praises, and leading republicans from the wilderness, on to brave new loses..
Folks, I give you the new putative head of the republican party.. Rob NAFTA Portman!!