Thursday, June 25, 2009

My colon cant survive the fairness doctrine.. damn you Main stream media!!

I am a adherent of talk radio.. the last bastion of truth in troubled times.

One of my biggest fears concerning talk radio, in these times of health care reform (yeah right.. MSM) is not being separated from my beloved talk radio per se,

but being torn away from the life-giving, non-FDA approved herbal products that, thanks to Neo-conservative talk radio, I am able to access at competitive prices to maintain my otherwise robust constitution.

These products that keep me regular, internally cleansed, visually acute, hairy, and turgid, can simply be obtained NO WHERE ELSE but the honest, caring realm of AM talk radio..
(to be fair, even the sick twisted hate-filled dementos at 'Air America' offer the same herbal remedies, likely so as not to allow their population of insipid listeners to deplete while the ranks of conservative talk listeners grow more herbally robust)

When I travel to the local retail outlets and ask for a herbal colon cleanser, and then attempt to earnestly explain that fecal matter is liable to build up like ''SPACKLE'' inside of my dear colon, without this miracle remedy I am usually looked at with a foolish grin, obviously concealing the vapid, uninformed status of the chirlish clerk, who is certainly NOT amongst the blessed ranks of israel-supporting, fellow talk radio listening TRUTH-SEEKERS!! (make that TRUTH-KNOWERS!)

Every second commercial on talk radio, for those who have not yet discovered this marvelous venue for distributing Neoconservatism to the blank-minded masses, is a advertisment for these Miracle products that in earlier times would have been labelled ''snake oil'', but today thanks to science, are now known to contain tremendous value.
I just today ingested 72 different tablets, all purchased from these public-service oriented talk radio commercials, and I must report that my Penis has never been larger.

My colon screams with joy after each daily, $100 a pop ''de-spackling'' with 'evercleanse'.

My NOW thick hair is luxurious, where only days earlier it was dull and lifeless.

My vision is virtually superpowered after Dr. Mark Levins reccomendation of 'Ocular Nutrition'.

My vast array of sexual partners are all NOW satisfied...
thanks to the simple, caring, herbal medical technology of talk radio, I am able to ''last''.. seriously im a little engine that could, if you know what I mean.

Aside from the physical benefits, I have applied to have my credit card debt forgiven, purchased listings of foreclosed properties that I shall purchase at a pittance, and can now work from home making nearly 8000 dollars a month!... all thanks to the wonderkinds of talk radio and their single-minded truth marketing on behalf of us, the chosen, among their ranks.

ALL OF THESE HERBAL PRODUCTS are hidden from us by the Main Stream Media and suspiciously unavailable in any retail outlet!! We have only the truth tellers and honesty brokers of talk radio allowing access to these wonder tablets of erectile vigor!! The next time anyone asks you to support any ''fairness doctrine'', you tell them, that if they want it, they can pry its flacid inches from your cold, lifeless palm!

How could any liberal dupe be so foolish and ignorant to not see the great public service that these talk radio advocates do EVERY DAY for the colon-clogged masses yearning to be free of both liberalism and constipation, (which are admittedly quite similar) ?
If these were all scams and snake oil as the fools amongst us assert, WHY would these great informative defenders of freedom we are blessed to listen to everyday sell these items??..REALLY!! The mentally-blessed, like me, who listen to these shows everyday, obviously BUY these fine products as they have all been advertised for years.. so could we all be IDIOTS!!??
If I manage to save even one colon from catastrophe by this post, I have accomplished my mission. Note to MSM- do NOT EVEN THINK about getting your fairness doctrine between me and my colons salvation!!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

try the blue pills..